Extract is from Lewis Senior, CEO of Equilibria, podcast host of the Intentional CEO a leading expert on personality diversity and co author of Personalities Remixed.
In any household with more than one child, it’s almost guaranteed that siblings will clash. But what if I told you these conflicts aren’t just random acts of rivalry, but predictable patterns rooted in each child’s personality tendencies, and that once you learn to decode them, peace and connection are within reach?
That’s the transformational power ofbpersonality diversity, viewed through frameworks such as E-Colours, at play. By understanding how different personality combinations show up in children, parents can guide their little ones from conflict to cooperation and from misunderstanding to meaningful relationships.
Understanding the Foundation
The E-Colours is a framework that categorises four personality tendencies, represented by colour:
Red – Action-oriented, direct, decisive. Drives for action and performance
Yellow – Expressive, social, imaginative. Fuels connection, creativity, and communication
Blue – Caring, reflective, empathetic. Focuses on structure, details, and logic
Green – Logical, detail-focused, structured. Centres around feelings, empathy, and reflection
Most people have a primary and secondary E-Colour (e.g., Red/Green or Yellow/Blue), which influences how they communicate, process information, make decisions, and interact with others. Understanding how each of these personality styles “light up” in different children reveals why they behave the way they do, and how to parent them intentionally.
Real-Life Insight: A Tale of Two Sisters
Consider a dad who began his own coaching journey by saying: “Before I dive into myself, I want to better understand my daughters.” His 8-year-old is primarily Red/Green – driven, structured, and independent. Her younger sister, aged 7, demonstrates Yellow/Blue tendencies: bubbly, compassionate, and imaginative.
Because of their differing personality styles, the girls clashed constantly. The older found her sister “chaotic and clingy.”
The younger cried that her big sister was “mean and bossy.” After gaining this additional understanding, the fog lifted. The Red/Green sister lights up her “Doer” and “Thinker” tendencies: she seeks goals, order, and independence. Her younger Yellow/Blue sister shines in the “Socialiser” and “Relater” areas: she thrives on connection, expression, and emotional resonance. This awareness helped their dad shift from managing conflict to mediating understanding.
Why Siblings Clash: Personality Patterns Decoded
Sibling conflict often stems from clashing styles, not bad intentions. Here’s how common personality pairings manifest, and how parents can better navigate them:
- The Planner vs. The Improviser
Green (Thinker) vs Yellow (Socialiser)
- Green siblings crave routines, order, and predictability.
- Yellow siblings seek novelty, excitement, and social interaction.
The Clash: The Green child sees the Yellow as messy and unfocused. The Yellow feels boxed in by rules.
The Fix: Explain to both children how different tendencies guide their choices. Offer structure with room for spontaneity, such as designated “free play” zones or flexible checklists.
- The Competitor vs. The Peacemaker
Red (Doer) vs. Blue (Relater)
- Red siblings are bold, assertive, and love to win.
- Blue siblings value harmony, kindness, and emotional depth. The Clash: The Red may bulldoze ahead, unintentionally wounding the Blue, who withdraws or shuts down.
The Fix: Teach the Red child to press their Pause button before acting. Encourage the Blue child to express emotions with confidence using their Play button. Normalise emotional vocabulary at home.
- The Independent vs. The Connector
Red/Green (Doer/Thinker) vs. Yellow/Blue (Socialiser/Relater)
- The Red/Green wants space, order, and autonomy.
- The Yellow/Blue craves interaction, fun, and shared experiences. The Clash: One child needs solitude, the other thrives on togetherness. The Fix: Validate both needs with clearly defined “alone time” and “together time.” Let them co-create a shared agreement that respects both styles.
How Personality Diversity Shows Up in Everyday Moments
Observe Reactions to Common Scenarios
- Who takes charge in games? (Red)
- Who asks “how”? (Green)
- Who wants to make everyone laugh? (Yellow)
- Who’s most concerned with fairness or feelings? (Blue) These cues reveal which tendencies are active in each child.
Listen to Language - Red: “Let me do it.” “Hurry up!”
- Yellow: “Can I show you something?” “Let’s play!”
- Blue: “Are you okay?” “That made me sad.”
- Green: “That’s not right.” “How does this work?”
These are expressions of internal processing, not just behavior.
Designing a Home Where Every Child Can Thrive
Use your understanding of how our different brains work to build a home environment that meets everyone’s needs:
Blue corner: Soft seating, books, journaling materials
Yellow zone: Art supplies, music, conversation starters
Green hub: Puzzles, logic games, planners
Red arena: Competitive board games, action tasks, physical challenges
Coaching Siblings According to their Personality
Children are remarkably capable of developing emotional intelligence when we give them the tools. Help them by using related emotional language:
- “Your brother’s Red brain wants to move fast, let’s help him pause.”
- “Your sister’s Blue brain needs kindness right now, can you offer a hug?”
- “That Green thinking is great for solving the problem, can we hear your plan?”
- “Your Yellow brain is lighting up, what would be a fun way to fix this?”
Use stories, colour-coded visuals, or brain diagrams so children can literally “see” how each sibling thinks and feels.
What Changes When We Understand Personality Diversity?
When siblings and parents embrace personality diversity, homes shift dramatically:
Fewer fights: Children stop taking differences personally.
More laughter: They play to each other’s strengths.
Stronger empathy: They learn how to truly “see” each other.
Better communication: They build a shared language of respect.
Deeper confidence: Each child knows they’re valued for who they are.
As one parent beautifully put it: “I no longer see one child as too emotional and the other as too serious. I see two incredible personalities with different gifts, and now I can help them see that too.”
Raising the Next Generation With Awareness and Intention
The ultimate goal isn’t to stop conflict, it’s to raise children who know how to manage it wisely. By taking the time to truly understand our children, we teach them:
- To understand themselves
- To appreciate others
- To communicate clearly
- To respond with empathy
- And to grow into emotionally intelligent adults
Whether you’re a parent, teacher, coach, or caregiver, this framework will transform how children engage, with each other, and with the world. Let’s raise a generation that doesn’t just get along, but lifts one another up.
