By Mar, Family Celebrant, Scottish Borders
After nearly forty years working in early years education, one of the biggest changes I’ve noticed isn’t in how children behave — it’s in how connected they feel.
Families today are doing their very best in busy, pressured lives. Technology helps us organise, communicate and cope. But it has also quietly reduced some of the everyday moments of connection that children rely on — eye contact, shared attention and the simple feeling of being truly noticed.
At the same time, children’s worlds have become fuller. More toys. More activities. More noise. More screens. More expectations.
And sometimes, simply too much.
Children don’t usually say, “I feel overwhelmed.” Sometimes they become louder. Sometimes they withdraw. And sometimes they stop asking.
As someone who has spent decades alongside children — and now works as a family celebrant in the Scottish Borders — I see again and again how deeply children need something surprisingly simple:
To feel that they belong.
What education has taught me about connection
In the later years of my education career, I worked within a team supporting early years settings across the Scottish Borders. We explored children’s emotional regulation, self-esteem and sense of belonging — particularly in a post-pandemic world shaped increasingly by technology.
The work of Dr Suzanne Zeedyk reflects what many educators see daily: children’s brains develop in relationship. Loving, responsive adults shape how children manage feelings, build resilience and understand themselves.
Froebelian principles in early childhood education also remind us that children need time — slow, thoughtful engagement that allows them to grow from within rather than being hurried along.
Children are not designed for constant stimulation. They are designed for connection.
When their world becomes crowded with “stuff”, screens and noise, their nervous systems can struggle. What steadies them is not more input, but more presence.
The quiet loss of shared rituals
In recent years, many families have moved away from traditional christenings. For some, that shift feels thoughtful and right. But something subtle has changed alongside it.
Christenings were not only religious events — they were community rituals. They gathered people together to publicly welcome a child, to name the adults who would support them and to say, collectively: this child matters to us.
Today, fewer children experience that formal moment of recognition within their wider circle.
And that matters.
Children benefit when they know who their people are — and when those people understand their role in a child’s life.
Ceremony as belonging made visible
The ceremonies I now create — naming ceremonies, adoption ceremonies, All About Me celebrations and gender affirmation ceremonies — are all rooted in one simple idea: belonging.
And naming ceremonies are not only for babies.
In fact, older children can sometimes benefit even more, because they are able to take part in shaping the day themselves. They might choose music, colours, readings or symbolic rituals. They can express what matters to them and hear the promises made in their presence.
Being involved gives children ownership. It tells them, clearly: this is about you, and you have a voice.
Whether for a baby, a seven-year-old, or a young person navigating change, these ceremonies are not about performance or perfection. They are about slowing time.
They gather parents, carers, grandparents, friends and chosen supporters to say clearly and kindly: we see you, we welcome you and we are here for you.
Some ceremonies are small and intimate. Others are joyful gatherings. What matters is not the size, but that the child feels safe, comfortable and genuinely at the centre.
When adults speak their promises aloud, something powerful happens. Children understand that support is intentional — not assumed.
It takes a village — and children know when it’s there
Children do not grow in isolation. They thrive when they are known by name by more than one adult, when they are greeted warmly and when they feel remembered.
Belonging grows when a child knows who they can turn to — and when those adults understand that their presence matters.
Ceremony simply makes that visible. It reminds adults of their role and reassures children of their place.
A gentle reminder
This isn’t about doing more. It’s about slowing down.
Putting the phone down for a moment. Making eye contact. Saying a child’s name with intention. Allowing space for quiet. Showing up consistently.
In a fast-paced world filled with distraction, slowing down is not indulgent — it is protective.
When children feel seen, supported and deeply welcomed, their sense of belonging strengthens.
And that sense of belonging carries them forward.
